Tuesday, April 15, 2025

 as we forgive those who trespass against us.

This year, I’ve encountered a striking contradiction with regard to my ability to forgive two separate people. The first person brought suffering into my life from an early age and is the main source of the deepest pain that I have experienced. The pain of the second person, a friend who I met a year ago, was much less severe. The conflict lasted a couple of months and there were minor repercussions. Surprisingly as I, in the last year, have made major steps in grieving and healing over the pain caused by the first person, there was no struggle to forgive. For the second person, however, forgiveness is much more challenging. This brought forth the question: If it is not the level of pain inflicted, what then makes it hard to forgive? This seemed to challenge much of what I have learnt about forgiveness, which suggests that the greater the grievance the greater the difficulty to forgive.

I find the differing factor to be pride. The second person hurt my ego and, in my eyes, “overlooked” my value and “disregarded” my journey with God. It felt like a direct attack on my identity. The first person's actions, though deeply hurtful, seemed accidental - more a byproduct of their own unresolved issues than an intentional affront. Throughout the year, God has been bringing my curiosity back to this perplexing contrast, and upon writing this I realize why: God was revealing to me the immense value that I place in my ego, the extent to which even deep emotional pain was easier to forgive than my bruised ego.

Reflecting on these experiences, I find it worthwhile to compare moments where forgiveness is easy with those where forgiveness is more challenging and ask: “What does this contrast in forgiveness reveal about me and my priorities?” Maybe this way we can unearth a deeper root of unforgiveness and expose areas within ourselves that need healing - areas that we would not have found otherwise. Maybe the command of forgiveness is a gift in the form of a mirror, enabling us to look deeper within ourselves and reveal flaws that require God's intervention and loving touch.